not moving on.

There is no use in talking or writing something if one wouldn’t make a point. In the same way that there is no use in saying that you’re hoping for something to happen and yet at the back of your mind, you don’t believe.

That’s why when I said I’ll be waiting, I waited for you. There was no reason not to. And the most important thing is that I trusted that you’ll be back. I believe. In the battle of words and silences, I’ll still believe.

A friend said, tanga na kung tanga. But in the absence to prove that something was lost, I’ll be firm. I’ll be strong.

Silences don’t end anything ‘cause the thing we shared continues to linger and creep. It haunts me in sleep, in my own silence, and everything that I do.

Space, on the other hand, can disable many things, leading to a fatal stop.

Every call unanswered, every text ignored, every drop of messages here and there is an attempt to rip space and to continue to believe that that wall you’re trying to build will crash eventually.

I need to make a decision.

I don’t want to say that I’m moving on. Because the idea behind moving on is that something already ended. I’ll be silent and firm as you are. Not because you died in me, but because the pain I’m in right now makes me realize how I much I value you.

I won’t let you go, never. I’ll just let you see what you need to see and if at any point you found what you needed, when you already found yourself and learned where I belong in your life, come back and tell me. I’ll appreciate it.

Think of me once in while. When our thoughts touch, I’ll know. It will remind me that in time, you’ll be back and it’ll give me another reason to believe.

You still have me.

All the best,
Marc