totally NOT about cha-cha, k?

In a lecture about Charter Change – no sides and biases, just the facts – I said, “Let’s start with the basics. Let’s discuss how to form informed judgments.” I expected that not everybody would really pay that much attention because for one, it’s about basics and two, everybody assumes that they know it.

Step one is getting to know the issue. In the discussion concerning Charter Change, it’s not going to be all about the poor, it’s not going to revolve around who are the ones who’ll be oppressed, and who are the ones who’ll be left behind. But this is not to say they’re irrelevant. This is just to say that it is also important to try and also look at the motivation. Ask: why is there such a call to pursue this at this point? Maybe, just maybe, this is called for, and it is needed. Who else are involved? Examine all sides. Shut up first and know the issue.

Step two is getting your facts straight. It doesn’t mean that just because your mom said it, it’s true. It doesn’t mean that just because your best friend advised it, it means that it is the best. And we don’t even care if the bishop or the highest authority in your religion declared it amongst thousands. It pays to get informed. Read. Start being unbiased. Because what can you get solely reading a pamphlet produced by the pros? Obviously, pro sentiments. In the same way that pure anti sentiment readings will help you form anti sentiments. Why not read both rather than saying something or someone is right or wrong on the basis of bias?

Step three is using your brain. It’s about being critical. After step one and two, the assumption is that you are ready to make an informed judgment. It doesn’t matter if you’re for it, or against it. You also have the liberty to be neutral. Whatever your position may be, have the balls to stand up for it. So that even if somebody comes up to you and asks why you’re taking that side, you can say all the negative things about it, you can also say all the positive things, and yet, you can still slap to that person’s face why you’re taking the side you’re taking. But it’s better not to slap. Slap when obnoxiously asked and provoked.

These are too trivial, they say. We can almost do away with this. But look how people form judgments – not only about Cha-Cha, but life’s issues in general. I thought they knew the basics. Judgmental much.  

today's prayer.

Dear God,

Yung probsheets ko po, lahat for revision. Tanggap ko naman po na tao lang ako at nagkakamali, pero bakit po ganun? For revision na nga lahat, ibig sabihin wala pa akong topic, tapos sa August 7 pa rin yung deadline ng annotated bibliography? Ang sakit sakit po sa puso at isipan. Pwede po ba magpatulong? Naguguluhan na rin po kasi ako. Patatagin n’yo po ako.

Kailangan ko rin po ng tulong sa pag-aayos ng buhay ko. Kasi naman po, kung hindi kailangan, hindi ako makatulog. ‘Pag naman sobrang kailangan ko, ang bilis ko dapuan ng antok. Sobra ah. Alam ko po na hindi bawal matulog, pero po kung hindi kasya ang bente-kwatro oras para matapos ko ang lahat ng kailangan kong gawin, sa tinggin ko po, dapat matutunan kong isantabi ang mga bagay na pwede ko munang kalimutan. Matiisin naman po ako eh. Kailangan ko lang ng tulong. Tao lang po.

Mabanggit ko na rin po, ano? Itatanong ko lang din po kung bakit yung ibang mga tao ang insensitive. Minsan kung makaasta sila hindi nila alam na nakakasakit sila. Pero kapag naman ibinalik mo sa kanila yung ugali nila, akala mo kung sino magalit. God, kamusta naman? I think, kailangan nila ng guidance mo. 

At God, tama po ba lahat ng ginagawa ko? Kasi po kung hindi, sana po sabihin n’yo nalang sa akin. Ayoko po ipagpatuloy ang isang bagay na wala namang naghihintay sa huli. Matututo naman po ako sa ibang bagay, ‘di ba? Kaya ko masaktan, pero hindi po ngayon. Tulad po ng nabanggit, yung probsheets ko po for revision. Madaming trabaho na kailangan tapusin, mga deadline na kailangan habulin. Pero dahil kayo si God, alam n’yo po na masaya rin naman ako ngayon. Pero, tama naman po yung logic ko, ‘di ba? If you’re happy today, why not try to be happier tomorrow? God, patulong naman please. Salamat po. 

Amen.


Ay God, P.S.: UPCAT na po this weekend, pero yung kapatid ko hindi ko nakitang magrereview kahit minsan. May usapan po ba kayo na aanigan s'ya ng karunungan sa araw ng UPCAT? Or narinig n'yo po s'ya na kumakanta ng Jesus Take the Wheel? In any case, kayo na po ang bahala sa kanya. Salamat po ulit.

Amen.

'cause i doubt, i fear, i hesitate.

Truth is a creation of the mind. Part of it is convincing people that you have a point; that what you hold true is true across situations; that it’s better to accept it than not to understand. 

Thus, truth is also relative. People will always believe in different things. So that what is real, a creation of combined truths, is also relative. My reality is different from yours, or we may share certain truths, so to some extent we may say, my reality is also your reality. 

But it is in this partiality that we get lost. Reality, for the most part, appears only to be real. Appears to be real, unconfirmed, left to be debunked. For this partiality, we hesitate, we get afraid, we opt to wish and hope and not do anything about it. And sometimes when I think or feel that our realities touch, know that I doubt. 

I can’t force something that seems that’s not bound to happen to be real. This is my truth, we share it, thus this is our reality. But part of this reality is that we’re also partial. And even though how much I like you, I doubt because things only appear to be real. I fear. I hesitate.

***

Fred said, “If you have a chance to take the moment that you know will be memorable, grab it. Always think that the word ‘next time’ is always too far.” 

But Issa said, “Do not ever pursue a decision when you’re having even the slightest doubt about it. Save yourself from regrets.” 

But at the same time Fred answers, “Forget about all the reasons why something may not work. You only need to find one good reason why it will.” 

And yet Issa says, “There are times that it is better to let things happen rather than to insist on how you want them to be done.”

So, I wait because of doubt, fear, and hesitation. 

***

I want to wait. But at the same time, I feel that I can’t wait for something I want so badly. And for this partiality, I doubt, I fear, I hesitate. And I feel I’m bound to get nothing, and go nowhere.

because they appreciate me.

I love my Comm 3 class for different reasons. For one, my freshmen classmates are so perky - bibo at the right level. My professor is super nice. She laughs with us, not the pokerface kind. But above all, I love my Comm 3 class because I know they appreciate me. Well, at least I’m sure that one of them appreciates me.

Chapter 3 was about The Self and Intrapersonal Communication. So part of the reporters’ activity was related to the Johari Window. We used to do this back in high school during retreats and recollections. I thought it was going to bore me.

The reporters gave us paper. We folded it into two and were asked to put the characteristics we know of ourselves. This is what I wrote:

Then we were told to tape the blank side of the paper to our backs, formed groups, and were asked to write on each other’s sheets. This is what I got:

I’m sorry nalang. Hindi ko kilala kung sino nagsulat n’yan. So, it must really came from the heart.

***

I need to pass three problem sheets this Friday – two to three pages each, with a flow chart dissecting each problem, with 60 references in total. Mabuhay! This is the graduating student’s life.

the bar, better than any in the metro.

Probably during this same time, I was lying on the floor occasionally puking in a plastic bag while something else was happening around me. It’s such a pity that I can’t talk fully about last night. Because first, what happened there stays there. And second, my bad memory was severed by vodka.

At first there was a live guitar and drums performance, then came the singing, then the party music, then the dancing, then the pranks, and the things that happened in between. It was one hell of a night.

This is becoming a habit. Pero, kailangan maging strong. Next time, we have to fight the temptation. But of course, we’re not promising anything.

I don’t know how to end this entry. I’ll just post the last shot I took before leaving. This, I think, sums it all.

ethics.

My professor asked the class today, “What will you do if an advisee of a colleague consults you regarding his/her thesis?” We started making noise with our answers, so she had to call somebody. Random classmate answers and she agrees. My professor said, “Well, that's correct. But actually, you have several options. You can inform your colleague and tell him/her that his/her advisee is asking for your help.” There was a pause, then she added, “If that was my advisee, I’ll tell my colleague that it’s okay. Kanya na siya. Kanyang-kanya na.”

Advisers are there to help. But if you don’t trust your adviser’s capability, then at least have the decency to ditch him/her properly – given that you can. Don’t make your adviser feel irrelevant.

Because when he had enough, he’s had enough.