for today.

It’s funny how even at this point I’m still hurting. When I thought Fred took over the emo department for his recent heartbreak, here I am again telling him to vacate my office. Or maybe because I have to be this way to continue the Batac legacy and ensure it’ll live forever.

Honestly, this is disgusting. I think it’s uncalled for. And at best, this is really pathetic. But I probably need this. I have to proceed to a higher level of desensitization, of feeling pain until it hurts no more.

I have thought about this. This is my fault. I shouldn’t have agreed to be friends with you again (even if from the onset this was what I really wanted). I should have changed my number so you won’t be able to reach me anymore. But no, you even had the guts to give me your new number and update me with your life. Something that I regret that I have willfully accepted.

I just wish that you’ll realize that it’s still not fine with me when you talk about your new one. Why? Because I don’t care. The only point when I’ll care about you and the new one, is when your relationship starts to crumble, and me being the good friend that I am, will tell you that it’s fine while I’ll laugh at your back and enjoy this wondrous moment. And then, I start to sound bitter.

Eh bakit ba naman kasi ang hirap ma-achieve ng happiness? Fuck, what a question.

To be fair, I always have the option to pester you back. I know how to, remember? But this is my chance to prove that I’m the better person. I’m taking this chance. I’ll rise above you.

This is enough meditation for today. Imma get busy with a friend. O ‘di naman kaya, magpapabarya nalang ako (na medyo imposible kasi ang elusive ng coins). Or, I’ll just memorize my Shakespeare lines because midterms is on Wednesday (which is like, tomorrow). And I think that’s better.

P.S.: It's not the case of me still in love with you. It's a simple play of shoulds, woulds, and coulds. Come think of it, I was a damn good lover. Self-absorbed, I know. But like a phantasma, you just can't deny it.

P.P.S.: I woke up today happy - yes, a bit hurting, but am sure damn happy.