wala lang.

Wala na akong maisulat sa blankong espasyo na ito. Halos araw-araw nilalamon na ng walang katapusang gawain ang oras ko. Wala na akong oras, kung ‘di kakarampot, hulihin ang mga napagtanto sa buong araw at ilapat rito upang malaman at maintindihan mo. 

Wala naman akong ibang iniisip kung ‘di ikaw. Hindi mo na rin dapat problemahin kung bakit pinagtutuunan kita ng oras kahit sa pag-iisip lang. Dahil sa totoong buhay, naisin ko man ilaan ang oras ko sa piling mo, sadyang hindi maari.

Pero sino ka nga ba? Isang kaibigan o isang kakilala lamang? O isang tao na higit pa sa sinuman? 

Wala rin namang mag-iiba kung bibigyan kita ng iba’t-ibang pangalan o iba’t-ibang pangalan para sa relasyon na namamagitan sa ating dalawa. Kaibigan o ka-ibigan, walang pinagkaiba – sa pulumpon ng mga titik nababalot ang salitang ‘ibig’.

Kaya wala ring pagkakaiba kung wala na akong maisulat sa blankong espasyo na ito. Ang bulgar na paglalahad ng naiisip sa sulatin na ito ay sadyang pag-ulit lamang ng bagay na naiisip at pinipili kong gawin sa pang-araw-araw, tulad ng pag-iisip sayo. Kaya hindi ko na rin kailangan sabihin kung ano ang nararamdaman ko, dahil sa puntong ito, sa tingin ko, hindi mo na maitatanggi na alam mo.

i just want to say that...

Now I understand how the body-less entity can drag you around and around until your sanity breaks. I’m amazed on how a scent can lock you up as it signifies another entity, now with a body. A snapshot from a memory (oh that stare!) that works like an opium as it takes you away to an entirely different universe. I say, everything is much better.

choices.

I chose to be the private. The only phase that they knew of was post-break up – when things got so heavy, and I just couldn’t keep it anymore. I knew that I was just waiting for it happen. I was waiting to give up, to break down. And that’s it. It happened.

Things are now back to normal. We’re friends. That’s also something that I chose. Am I happy about it? Maybe. But honestly, I just don’t care. I already gave too much. It’s about time to make “better” choices.

Now, I still choose to be private. But things don’t always go as planned. Privacies break, things leak, and they eventually become part of it. 

Everything becomes so different when you already mapped out your plans, and convinced yourself that this will be it, then, all of a sudden, a shift in circumstance. It disturbs me. But when much rationality is not needed, how can you think on your feet so you can adjust?

Choices always require two paths at the barest minimum – the perceived ideal and the way out. It’s too tempting to take the other way when it’s always an option. But I’m still taking the path I chose from the start. (Or maybe I should have ended that previous sentence with a question mark instead). 

It’s so hard to stand for a decision, especially when you constantly pressure yourself of thinking of the best option. In the end, you just don’t want to get hurt.

But yeah, I’m choosing you. But this time, I think I need to sacrifice a little privacy.

farewell, cory aquino.

Philippine’s icon of democracy, Queen of the Philippines, Mother of the Nation – few of the many words and phrases used to describe former President Corazon Aquino. True enough, we can describe her in many ways, in different perspectives and convictions. Nobody said she was perfect. She had her own faults – conceded. But we can’t deny that she did her best. Now that she reunites with her equally noble husband Ninoy, I join the rest of the Philippines in saying farewell. Farewell, Cory Aquino and thank you.

definition.

Friday noun - (1) the sixth day of the week; (2) a weekend, bunched with Saturday and Sunday; (3) time to unwind and let go of the stress brought by the previous days; (4) for some, marked by flowing alcohol, perhaps with cigs, and much dancing – flirty or otherwise; (5) maybe a perfect moment to reenergize; (6) also a time to be crazy and wild; (7) time to seek something new and do something new; (8) sadly, can also be a time to be occupied with work; (9) a day to not care about work; (10) or simply, love (like this most recent Friday). 

Happiness, choice, it is. Love. Friday.